I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
