either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
