omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize