Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
