What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
