Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Randomize