I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
