when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
