youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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