You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
