We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
