I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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