sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
