that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
