drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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