Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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