we have pet lesbian snakes
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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