If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
