I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
