So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
