thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
