You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
you never un-have a 4some
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
