Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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