Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
honey bunches of taint.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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