Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
