at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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