i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
