This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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