Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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