the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
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