Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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