this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
