i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
