Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
