...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
