I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
