sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
