I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It's never too late to be topless.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
