I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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