also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize