I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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