And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
