did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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