how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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