he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
