I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
