remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
