She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
