i need an iv and a liver transplant
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
