Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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