no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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