Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
