i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
