Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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