My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
