Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
