he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
