Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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