I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
