I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
