you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
