i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
