I wanna passion pit in your ass
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
