I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
