3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
