im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
