Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
