i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
