its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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